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Posted by John Concrane on October 8, 2020 in Entertainment
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I should make my messages personal, advises Hoffman: “Comment on something in his profile and follow with a question.” Dutifully, I tell one bespectacled prospect, “I like melty ice cream, too. What’s your favorite flavor?” I have some interesting chats, but nothing leads anywhere. After a lengthy back-and-forth with a cute guy who asks why I’m still single (beats me!), I try a Hoffman move, writing, “That’s a story better told over a drink.” He suggests… chicken fingers. As in fast food? Is this a sex thing I don’t know about?
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“We know it sounds counterintuitive, but you read this right. Online dating makes it easy to filter people based on what’s worked for you before (or what hasn’t) and create an impossible mold of what you think is your perfect match. The problem is that eventually your matches all either seem to blend together and you lost interest, or you run out of options. Keep an open mind, and try [Liking] someone who isn’t your usual type. You might find that your ‘type’ isn’t as important as you thought.” —B+L, co-hosts of “Not Your Girlfriend’s Podcast”.
Don’t worry too much about the particulars: which restaurants, bars, movies or books a potential date likes. (“Oh, he lives in Queens” or “She prefers Six Feet Under to The Sopranos.”) Instead, take in the broad strokes — does he live in the same city? Is she a reader? Does he seem intelligent? Don’t become consumed with the idea that someone out there corresponds exactly to all your tastes and preferences. After all, chances are many of your exes didn’t share your exact tastes, and nine times out of 10, it isn’t why you two broke up. If you obsess about the little things (this guy shares my passion for both dim sum and Noah Baumbach flicks!) you are likely to pass over the profiles of people who might actually make you happy.
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